| First Broadcast
on BBC Radio 4 on December 15th 1999
Sfx Opening music
Announcer Bristow by Frank Dickens.
Featuring Michael Williams as Bristow and Rodney Bewes as Jones with
Owen Brenman and Dora Bryan. The Girl in the Yellow Overcoat
Bristow (VO) reciting Twinkle twinkle
little star
What time are you through, up thar?
chuckles and says something incomprehensible
Smiling constant in the heaven
I'm stuck here till half past seven
Twinkle twinkle milky way
You’ve never worked a ten hour day
Bet you wish that you were me
I’ve earned six pounds fifty three
normal voice over
When however it was called on us to deck the halls with boughs of
holly, tis the season to be jolly, tra la la, la la la la, I'm sure
he meant well but hadn’t reckoned on this modern society. For the punters
nowadays start to jolly things along far too early and for far too long
a period. The build-up in this neck of the woods started as early as
mid-November, when I was waiting for a train at East Winchley station,
and upon looking round, realised the platform was unusually crowded.
Sfx Outdoor train station
noises. Staff going “keep moving please, keep those bags with you etc”
Bristow Good morning Mr stationmaster.
Stationmaster to the crowd Move
along there please move along
Bristow You’ll have to speak up.
These earmuffs, adequate against the chill of winter though they are,
do not help in matters of hearing. In the unlikely event of one of your
trains ever arriving at this station, and me happening to turn to look
over my shoulder, it is quite conceivable that it might come and go
without my even realising it.
Stationmaster You have my sympathies, but
you shop-early-for-Christmas people are, to put it bluntly, more trouble
than you’re worth. British Hi-Speed Rail are more interested in the
regular commuter who wants to catch a train to his place of employment
than folks like yourself. Now move along please keep moving.
Bristow It is obvious you do not
recognise me. Heavy scarf – breathing filter- and dark glasses plus
the aforementioned earmuffs might be the explanation.
Stationmaster Oh its you!
Bristow I wear the glasses because
I suffer from snow blindness and should there be a sudden fall I would
hate to tumble onto the track. I realise I'm being rather silly because
I will be perfectly safe there, with trains so seldom passing this way
Stationmaster Stand aside please I’ve not
time to bandy words with you on a day like this.
Bristow You’re a lucky man, Mr
Stationmaster
Stationmaster Why’s that?
Bristow Because you don’t see
the faces of the people staring at your back as you stroll up and down
the platform. If looks could kill…
Sfx Link music
Sfx Buying department
typing noises
Jones Morning Bristow
Bristow Hallo Jones. You’ve done
well for Christmas cards this year. Jones laughs Row upon row.
Tastefully strung up on string across the window and blocking out any
daylight that is endeavouring to get into the room.
Jones Not bad. It shows I have
a few friends left.
Bristow You’ve done better than
I have this year.
Jones Seems so, doesn’t it?
Bristow Must be some sort of office
record. You are more popular than I would have believed
Jones laughing Oh please
Bristow you embarrass me.
Bristow Yes, I’ll embarrass you
still further. Reading the top row from left to right the cards read,
er, Happy Easter, Get Well Soon , Be my Valentine…
Jones …ah yes…
Bristow Congratulations on your
anniversary, er, Merry Christmas 1995
Jones Bristow if I choose…
Sfx Door opens
Moorcroft Mr. Fudge?
Jones He’s not in, sir. Can,
can I help?
Moorcroft I doubt it. What’s your
name?
Jones Jones, sir the name’s
Jones
Moorcroft Thank you Mr Jones. Will
you ask Mr Fudge to give me a call when he gets in. The name is
Moorcroft. It’s in connection with order number DB 49265.
Jones Certainly Mr Moorcroft
Moorcroft Thank you!
Sfx Door shuts
Jones I say, pleasant young
man. One of the directors wasn’t he?
Bristow I should imagine so. Smart
suit, dazzling smile. Typical director. Typical con-man.
Jones Bristow, what happened
to order number DB49265?
Bristow Tchh…I take it you want
me to look it up?
Jones Oh if you wouldn’t mind.
Bristow There is a search fee
of five pounds
Jones laughs
Bristow Hm,,.yahh, there we go.
Jones It’s time we did something
about this order. There’s a heavy penalty clause comes into force on
the 1st January.
Bristow Jones, we had this nonsense
last year and it completely spoiled our Christmas. Didn’t we promise
it would never happen again?
Jones Suppose we had a real
go at it. A sudden splurge of energy. A frenzied attack.
Bristow Good idea. When? Looking
through my diary, I’m busy this week.
Jones why not TODAY?
Bristow You made me jump. Today
you say? Tell you what, we’ll have a relaxed tea break, filling ourselves
with plenty of carbohydrate to give us the energy to cope with it…
Jones Yes yes yes
Bristow …plus I’ll have a couple
of Mrs. Purdy’s flapjacks, the clerical equivalent of spinach to Popeye.
Jones I don’t care what we
have. Let’s get on with something
Bristow Jones, what’s all this
eager beaver stuff? You are behaving in a rather curious manner this
morning. Why?
Jones Bristow, do you believe
in love at first sight?
Bristow It takes a certain kind
of person to fall in love at first sight. And if you are one of those
people – Bingo. Lucky you
Jones It’s happened to me Bristow.
I’m one of the chosen few.
Bristow Don’t be ridiculous you’re
not the type.
Jones What’s that supposed
to mean?
Bristow People who fall in love
on sight are impetuous. The last thing anyone would call you is impetuous.
You are more – hmmmm – humdrum, dull, gray, flat, everything that someone
who falls in love on sight, is not.
Jones In spite of what you
say, I am in love.
Bristow Who is the unfortunate
lady?
Jones The girl in the yellow
overcoat. Our eyes met on the platform at Guffnell Park station,
platform five…
Bristow And?
Jones What do you mean, and?
Bristow What happened?
Jones That’s all
Bristow That’s
all? The girl in the yellow overcoat
Jones Love.
L - O - V- E
Bristow Daft.
D - A - F - T. Your eyes met on platform five at Guffnell Park station..
I think, as Shakespeare said, this is indeed the stuff that dreams are
made of.
Jones I think
she’s a shop-early-for-Christmas type
Bristow Coh!
Holy Mackeral! They’re the worst. You can't afford that sort of woman
on the money you earn here.
Jones laughing
Don’t try and tell me what I can afford. You don’t know what I can afford
Bristow I know
exactly what you can afford. Some weeks ago I found a wage slip at the
back of one of your drawers.
Jones What?
You what?
Bristow And from
it I worked out exactly what you take home…
Jones Dear
me!
Bristow …and
I’ll tell you this. It doesn’t run to a shop-early-for-Christmas type.
You can normally run to tea and a chocolate biscuit in the morning and
coffee and a macaroon in the afternoons. A shop-early-for-Christmas
type won’t go dutch, mark my words.
Sfx Door
opens
Hewitt Morning
Mr Jones, morning Mr Bristow
Bristow You’re
late.
Jones Morning
Hewitt I stopped
to pick up some stuff for the office get-together.
Jones Ohh
Hewitt Sounds
of things likes bottles dumped on a desk Oh, sorry Mr Jones
Bristow Office
get-together? What office get-together?
Jones You
might as well tell him. Now you’ve started.
Hewitt We’re
having a small get-together with accounts
Bristow Choo-ah,
excellent. Their place or ours? And when?
Hewitt Their
place. You know we’re not allowed decorations and you can't have a get-together
without decorations. Its on Friday. Starts at five and goes on. The
password is ‘down with the management’
Bristow Sounds
as if it’s in an advanced stage. I’m surprised this is the first I’ve
heard of it.
Jones We’ve
been keeping a low profile in case Fudge gets to hear about it.
Bristow Oww,
good thinking.
Sfx Tea
trolley crunches in to the office
Purdy Tea
up, wet and warm and plenty of hard bake.
Jones Good
morning Mrs Purdy, two lumps please, a couple of meringues and a gingerbread
man.
Bristow Jones,
watch the spending.
Jones Chocolate
biscuit please
Purdy Cheer
up Mr Jones you have a got long face this this morning
Bristow Unrequited
love Mrs Purdy
Purdy Unrequited
love eh? Tea trolley gushes out some tea Well there’s a lot of
it about
Jones Bristow!
Is it necessary to repeat everything you’re told in confidence. Can’t
anyone keep a secret in this place?
Hewitt I can
Jones You.
Keep a secret? Don’t make me laugh. Office get-together. Whoops. You’re
as big as blabbermouth as Bristow.
Sfx Retreating
footsteps. Door slams
Purdy Oooh,
he’s in a bad mood. More tea gushing Unrequited love you say
Bristow He saw
a pair of laughing eyes on the platform at Guffnell Park today.
Purdy Guffnell
Park eh? Oh, Guffnell Park, there’s a coincidence, that’s where I met
my laughing eyes in the shape of Mr Purdy. Seventeen years ago next
week.
Bristow I doubt
if he was shopping early for Christmas
Purdy Shop-lifting
for Christmas more like. He was in charge of the canteen there and he
could carry three cups in each hand. There aren’t many people can do
that, you know, three cups. He can't do it now of course with his arthritis.
Whoever thought I’d meet my nemesis on platform five at Guffnell Park
station.
Bristow Platform
five? Why that’s where…
Sfx Door
opens
Fudge What
the devil is going on? Why is everyone one sitting around? Why are those
Christmas cards strung up across the window?
Bristow They
belong to Mr Jones
Fudge I don’t
care who they belong to. TAKE THEM DOWN AT ONCE
Sfx Door
slams
Purdy Oohh,
there’s another one in a bad mood, I’d best be off
Bristow Finish
your narrative Mrs Purdy. Tell us about Mr Purdy, your knight in shining
armour.
Purdy He didn’t
have none of that. On our wedding day he turned up in a drape suit with
a velvet collar, bootlace tie, plain black trousers, fluorescent socks
and blue suede shoes.
Bristow Come
straight from work, had he?
Purdy Ooooghhh
Bristow Only
joking, Mrs Purdy only joking
Sfx Tea
trolley crashes out and door shuts
Bristow (VO) And that,
you might say, was that. Except that a couple of days later, as I entered
the office, Jones who had taken of late to wandering the corridors like
a moonstruck calf or gazing into space like a frog on a lily pad sprang
to his feet his eyes glittering.
Jones Bristow,
it’s fate!
Bristow Mmm –
what’s fate?
Jones I saw
her again today – the girl in the yellow overcoat
Bristow On the
platform?
Jones No,
in the street. Not far from here. Our eyes met once again. It’s
fate.
Bristow It’s hardly fate. It’s
stalking. Yes, but it shouldn’t concern you. You’re a married man.
Jones quickly Says who?
Bristow Jones – the lady with
the spectacles. When a crowd of us came round on that night to play
cards, you turned her photograph to the wall.
Jones That doesn’t mean to
say…
Sfx Door opens
Hewitt Down with the management
Jones Bring it in. And don’t
keep using the password it’s supposed to be saved for the party
Bristow Holy Mackerel. That’s
a lot of drink
Hewitt Ahh, there’s plenty more
where this came from bottles clink now the girls from the pool
are in on it by the way
Bristow How many people are we
expecting?
Hewitt How many grains of sand
in the desert? How much rice is there in China? How many stars in the
skies above?
Sfx Door opens
Sunman Down with the management
Bristow Miss Sunman, the password
is supposed to be kept for the party, not used indiscriminately
Sunman Are we to bring presents?
Bristow Presents? Alms for the
poor yes. Certainly not presents
Jones Since when did you have
any say in the running of it? You only got in because of blabbermouth
Hewitt…
Hewitt I said sorry
Jones …now you seem to be taking
over.
Bristow That’s because I’m a natural
born leader And I hardly need to remind you, I come before you alphabetically.
Jones There’s lots of people
come before you. Arbuthnot. Askie, Armstrong, Abercrombie…
Sunman Arnold
Jones …Arnold
Sunman whisphers Sorry
Mr Bristow
Jones Eighty-seven
Bristow What’s in a name? Duhhh,
that’s what love does for you Hewitt
Hewitt Seen her again, have
you, Mr. Jones?
Jones Seen who?
Hewitt The girl in the yellow
overcoat
Jones Bristow! You’ve told
him haven’t you? How many other people have you told? You tell someone
something in confidence, before you turn round it’s all over the building.
Fishwives, that’s what you are. Fishwives. FISHWIVES fading out If
anyone want’s me I’m with Mr. Moorcroft
Sfx Door shuts
Sunman Who’s the girl in the yellow
overcoat?
Bristow Miss Sunman, you heard
Mr. Jones didn’t you?. You saw his face. How upset he was. I don’t want
him upset any more. I don’t want to spoil a relationship. I have to
work with him all day. He’s a clerk with special needs.
Sunman But who is she?
Bristow She’s a girl he met at
Gufnell Park Station
Sunman Excited I’ve seen
her! Platform five
Bristow You know her?
Sunman I don’t know her.
I’ve seen her, that’s all. You can’t miss her. She’s beautiful, like
a super model. She’s a shop early for Christmas type. I don’t think
Mr. Jones stands much of a chance there. She’s like the girl from Ipanema.
When she walks down the platform all the men’s heads turn to look after
her.
Both Ahhh!
Sunman I should be so lucky. I
doubt whether men would look at me if I threw myself in front of a train.
Bristow Oh I’m sure they would.
But enough of such pessimism. You don’t want to fill your pretty little
head with thoughts like that.
Sunman Did you say pretty?
Hewitt He did, yes, he did
Bristow I said don’t fill your
pretty little…
Sunman almost ecstatic Did
he say pretty again?
Hewitt He did.
Sunman He said pretty twice. Sings
I feel pretty, Oh so pretty fades out
Sfx Door shuts
Bristow You’d better lock it.
She could easily return
Hewitt She’s definitely got
the hots for you
Bristow Er..I don’t wish to encourage
it. Women and business don’t mix. Women are good only for planes books
and films. And soap operas. Their heads are full of shoes, hair-dos
and jewelry. And they get in the way of a career.
Hewitt laughing Oh that’s
funny, you talking about a career. Fades out Dream on
Sfx Door shuts
Bristow Tchah! Insolent young
pup. How dare he laugh at me having thoughts of a career.
Bristow (VO) I suddenly decided to take
a crack at order number DB 49265. I could wrap that up before Christmas,
it would show them that my thoughts of a career are not just pie in
the sky.
Sfx Phone picked up
Bristow Mary, I want Gun and Fames.
Fenella I’m afraid Mary’s not
in this week. Can I help
Bristow That depends on who you
are. I belive there was a saying in World War 2 – Careless talk costs
lives. I don’t believe such warnings are current in our modern society,
but I should like to know to whom I am speaking
Fenella I’m Mary’s replacement
Bristow And your name is?
Fenella Guess.
Bristow Guess? Did you say guess?
I should like to remind you, whatever your name is, that this a business
call of the utmost priority. Give me a clue
Fenella Something something something,
something, double something something
Bristow Cruella
Fenella Cruella?
Bristow Yes or no?? Cruella?
Fenella Do I sound cruel?
Bristow Yes or No.
Fenella Nearly right. It’s Fenella.
Are you going to the thingy tomorrow?
Bristow Eh, oh, the get-together?
I shall probably show up. It is, as they say, the season to be jolly.
Tra-la-la-la-la, etc.
Fenella Isn’t there something
about miseltoe in that carol.
Bristow Possibly. It does embrace
most of the Christmas paraphernalia. I’m sure miseltoe is in there somewhere.
Fenella suggestively I’ll
bring some with me
Bristow Oh…
Fenella Just in case someone’s
forgotten. Sexy laugh See you there. Business tone Now
how can I help you?
Bristow I want the good samaritans’
help line
Fenella Okay.
Sfx Phone ringing
Man Good Samaritans’ Helpline.
Can we be of assistance?
Bristow I'm having some trouble
with our order number DB49…
Man Not you again.
Sfx Phone replaced
Bristow Hello? Hello? Jabs
phone Hello?. Oh, Tcha.
Sfx Door opens
Postboy Down with the management
Bristow Postboy, that’s supposed
to be a password, not an everyday phrase or saying. How can you have
a password that’s passed into common usage.
Postboy Couple of letters.
Bristow These letters appear to
have been tampered with.
Postboy Oh no, we wouldn’t have
touched those. We only steam open the ones that are drenched in perfume.
Bristow expostulates What’s this drawing pin stuck in your desktop
for?
Bristow That represents a buying
clerk and is allowed to move in any direction. This paper clip represents
the establishment and moves in one direction only,
Postboy What are you doing?
Bristow I was playing war games
yesterday.
Sfx Door opens
Fudge What is going on our here?
If you have delivered the mail, postboy, I suggest you get about your
business.
Postboy Here I go, sir. Watch my
dust. Cheers Mr. B.
Sfx Door shuts
Fudge Bristow, has Jones returned
from Mr. Moorcroft’s office yet
Bristow No sir
Fudge Well, tell him to come
and see me, AS SOON AS HE GETS BACK
Bristow Yes sir.
Sfx Door slams
Bristow Arrrr…that man will be
the death of me. He’s only got to open his mouth and I can feel my hackles
rise. Yes, but what is Jones playing at. Acting as a go-between, carrying
messages from Fudge to Moorcroft and vice-versa. This is not the job
for a buying clerk. This is the job for a messenger boy. This way over
and above the call of duty. I’m determined to have it out with him.
Sfx Link music
Bristow Jones, what is all Moorcroft
business?
Jones What’s it to you?
Bristow I asked you a simple question.
I would welcome a civil answer.
Jones It’s Mr Moorcroft
if you don’t mind, let’s have a little respect for one of our directors.
He calls me Mr. Jones. We are trying to make some progress on DB 49265.
We happen to get on well together.
Bristow Are you crazy, Jones?
Nobody gets on with a director. They’re a breed apart. Villains the
lot of them
Jones Nonsense.
Bristow Read your newspapers.
Scarce a day goes by you don’t read about a company director being sent
down for something or other. The prisons are booked solid with directors.
Face the facts. And as for someone like you, thinking you are getting
on well a director…
Jones Well we are
Bristow …it makes the mind openly
boggle. Keel over. We’re talking chalk and cheese stuff here.The trouble
is, you are starting to believe it and that can lead to trouble mark
my words.
Jones You think so? Well you
might be in for a surprise. And it might come sooner than you expect
Sfx Link
music
Sfx
party noises. Door opens
Jones Password
please
Postboy May the
Chester-Perry Building be struck by lightning and the directors perish
in the ruins
Jones That
was last years. Try again
Postboy Down with
the management
Jones Pass,
friend.
Sfx
Door shuts
Hewitt Well
Mr. Bristow seen anything you fancy?
Bristow You must
be joking. Chester-Perry’s is renowned for the plainness of its female
employees. It’s an occupational hazard, I’m afraid.
Hewitt You
can say that again. I don’t know where they find them. Look at them
gathered round the noticeboard. More pathetic bunch of women I’ve never
seen.
Bristow Yah...Hewitt
let’s change the subject. Wse haven’t come here to talk shop. I could
tell by your furtive manner that you have a question to ask. Let’s have
it
Hewitt Mr.
Bristow, I haven’t been here long enough to know but at this firm does
everyone give each other Christmas presents?
Bristow There’s
nothing laid down about it. It depends on what sort of mood you’re in.
Hewitt What
sort of thing would I get for Mr. Jones?
Bristow Ah let’s
see. Pocket calculator perhaps a briefcase, umbrella or a pair of socks.
Or one of those felt-tip pens you get from the stores downstairs.
Hewitt That’s
more the sort of thing I had in mind.
Bristow I’ve
already got him one. Mine’s in blue but you can get them in red.
Hewitt Oh well
red it is. Well excuse me, I’m off to mingle. Merry Christmas.
Bristow Merry
Christmas.
Sunman Mr Bristow
Bristow Oh, ah
ha…
Sunman I’m suddenly
getting in a Christmas mood. The Chester-Perry Glee Club are on the
pavement down there singing Christmas carols.
Bristow Quick
the fire bucket. We may catch them before they move on.
Sunman Don’t
be like that. It’s peace on earth time. Wouldn’t it be romantic if we
had a white Christmas?
Bristow It certainly
would. I love throwing snowballs at people. I seldom miss. S – plat.
And making slides on the pavement. Wheee! Ker- ash!
Sunman Yes. Quite.
Merry Christmas. moving off
Bristow Merry
Christmas to you
Bristow (VO) It’s shaping
up to be a great party. When I mingle I like to mix with the accounts
department. There’s always a hope that some of the money will rub off
on to you. Atkins, on my right, even though he’s their boss [note 1],
the only one I know.
Bristow Atkins.
Ah you people in accounts throw excellent parties.
Atkins Bristow!
I needed something to cheer myself up, I’ve had a bad day. The kids
that have started here straight from school. Their first wage-packets.
It’s always sad. The tears that come into their eyes when they see their
first stoppages.
Bristow But it
must have its good side. I would enjoy knowing exactly how much everyone
in the firm takes home.
Atkins Even
that has its drawbacks. If you know how much everyone is earning you
tend to worry about whether they’re living beyond their means or not.
If, for example, I thought you had contributed anything at all to the
cost of this delicious fruit punch we are drinking, I would probably
have a sleepness night.
Bristow Would
you like more?
Atkins I’d
love a little more. Oh, whoa, whoa. Good lord, what on earth is Jones
doing. He’s letting one of the directors in, and he’s bringing him over
here.
Jones fading
up Very kind of you to join us Mr. Moorcroft.
Moorcroft Very nice
of you to ask me, Mr. Jones.
Jones If you’ll
follow me, I’ll introduce you to two of the gang.
Moorcroft Thank you
Jones Allow
me to introduce you to Mr. Atkins of Accounts, and Bristow. This is
Mr. Moorcroft
Moorcroft Very pleased
to meet you Mr. Atkins. I know you by reputation. Merry Christmas. And
Mr. Bristow and I have met before. When I popped my head round your
door to speak to Mr. Fudge the other day. Merry Christmas Mr. Bristow
Bristow Merry
Christmas to you sir
Moorcroft Speaking
of Mr. Fudge, I don’t see him here. Is he, ah, detained elsewhere or
is he one of those heads of department that doesn’t approve of office
get-togethers.
Jones laughing
How shall I put it? Mr. Fudge is not a great socialiser, sir
Atkins You
can say that again. We had him and his wife round to dinner last month,
he hardly said a word the whole evening fades out still chatting
Jones Well
Bristow I told you I had a surprise up my sleeve and you didn’t believe
me. Perhaps next time you’ll…Good heavens. Over there. Coming in through
the door. It’s the girl in the yellow overcoat. Am I dreaming? Excuse
me. Gangway, stand aside.
Moorcroft I’m afraid
it’s me that has to be excused. The lady in the yellow overcoat is my
wife.
Bristow
Oh really?
Moorcroft She’s been
doing some modeling in town this week and as we’re going to the theatre
tonight I arranged to meet her here. I hope Mr Jones doesn’t mind. Over
here! Here, hello precious, I’d like you to meet these…
Mrs. Moorcroft Darling, that
man by the door , he’s the one I was telling you about. The one that
stares. Call the police darling. Do something.
Moorcroft What are
you saying
Mrs. Moorcroft The man by
the door, that’s him. The stalker
Moorcroft Stalker?
Is it now. Look, somebody get a chair. Keep calm darling
Mrs. Moorcroft hysterial
The police, call the police.
Moorcroft Just a
minute darling, I know the man. Let me have a word before we call the
police.
Mrs. Moorcroft breathless
Oh he’s coming over here.
Jones Has
no-one offered the lady a drink.
Moorcroft Jones,
I’d like a word with you. In private.
Jones I don’t
understand
Moorcroft Follow
me
Jones fading
er what’s going on
Moorcroft Jones.
Mrs. Moorcroft Be careful
darling
Atkins Easy
does it Mrs Moorcroft, sit down. I’ll get you a drink
Mrs. Moorcroft I’ve been
terrified. I saw him on the platform at Gufnell Park and there he was
undressing me with his eyes.
Atkins Jones??
Bristow (VO) There was
no need to stand and listen to her incoherent story. I hate hearing
my friends being maligned when there is no-one there to defend them.
Discreetly I slipped away to join the punch bowl. It was as I was struggling
for possession of the ladle that I felt my elbow being gripped.
Bristow splutters
Wha…
Fenella Hello.
Nice to meet you.
Bristow I…what…ah
Cruella. The lady of the telephone. It’s nice to meet you. I hope you’ve
remembered our appointment with the miseltoe?
Fenlla I did
indeed…
Bristow Let’s
get at it then. Where is it?
Fenella I wasn’t
allowed to bring it
Bristow Not allowed
to bring it!. NOT ALLOWED.Whatever happened to women’s lib? Did Mrs.
Pankhurst wage her battle for freedom in vain? Not allowed! Nonsense.
Who wouldn’t allow it? A jealous boyfriend, an angry lover?
Witherspoon An irate
husband. She flirts with you and all does she? She flirts with everyone.
She ought to be called Flirtella. It’s that voice of hers. Drives me
wild that voice.
Fenella Don’t
be daft. This is my husband, Reginald
Bristow Ah –
I consider it an honour and a privilege to meet you sir .
Fenella This
gentleman works here
Witherspoon Is that a
fact? If you work here, you must know whether there’s a Mr. Bristow
in the room.
Bristow I am
Bristow.
Witherspoon I’m Witherspoon.
Bristow Not Witherspoon
of Gun and Fames?
Witherspoon That’s right.
Bristow Order
number they recite together DB49265. both laugh
Witherspoon You’re nothing
like I imagined.
Bristow No, neither
are you. I had you down as a little thin man.
Witherspoon And I had
you down as a big fat chap. Both laugh
Bristow Do you
realize we’ve been writing to each other for nearly a year and we’re
still no nearer a solution.
Witherspoon Ah, but we
are
Bristow We are?
Witherspoon It can all
be done by a few strokes of the pen.
Bristow It can??
Witherspoon Yes – and
if we had it here now…
Bristow My office
is across the corridor. The order is on my desk. Would you, could you…
Witherspoon Lead on,
MacBristow. Both laugh
Sfx Link
music
Bristow (VO) And in that
self-same moment, the bells of the seaman’s mission on the corner, donated
by Sir Reginald Chester-Perry, our beloved firm’s founder began to chime
their seasonal greetings. And to the strains of “tis the season to be
jolly” Mr. Witherspoon and I made our way over to the Buying Department
to sort out pause order number DB 49265. ecstatic sigh
And as someone said to someone in a book I read somewhere, a merry Christmas
to one and all.
Sfx
Closing music
Announcer Bristow
was written by Frank Dickens and featured Michael Williams as Bristow,
Rodney Bewes as Jones, Owen Brenman as Hewitt, Dora Bryan as Mrs. Purdy,
Kate Odey as Miss Sunman, Jon Glover as Fudge and Atkins, Robert Bathhurst
as Moorcroft, Anna Mountford as Fenella, Simon Schatzberger as the post-boy,
Peter Kelly as Witherspoon and Zena Eet [note 2} as the yellow overcoat
girl. The music was composed and performed by John Whitehall. The sound
recording was by Graham Harper, the director Neil Cargill.
Notes:
1. Atkins
is not the head of Accounts in any of the strips.
2 I’m
sure this is not the correct spelling |
