Follow that Star was first broadcast on BBC Radio 4 on 28 April 1999

sfx:                                Opening music

Announcer:                     Bristow by Frank Dickens. With Michael Williams as Bristow and Rodney Bewes as Jones. Follow that star

sfx:                                Music fades out

Bristow (VO)                 Napoleon once said “an army marches on its stomach”. But if you ask me the fellow was talking through his chapeau – because he hadn’t tried our chef’s Beef Wellington. This is designed to anchor us firmly to our office desks and the only marching we do is when we do something wrong and we get our marching pause orders. The subject of food was very close to our minds then, when Jones and I were on our way to the firm’s three star canteen one day Three stars – that’s a laugh. They owe me, that canteen. If it weren’t for me they wouldn’t have three stars in the Firm’s Canteen Good Food Guide. It was Friday lunchtime.

Sfx                                 Canteen background noise

Jones                             (eating) Mmm Bristow we must be out of our minds eating here. We hand them back the money we slave all week for and the food isn’t worth it. Mr Gordon Blue, the chef, takes the best stuff home

Bristow                          (eating) Mm Nonsense – the best stuff is the food that covers the name on the firm’s plate. But in any case he only takes it because he has a wife and five starving children to support.

Bristow (VO)                 On the Monday of the following week I got out of bed. I went across to the window..

Bristow                          The view from this window is positively breathtaking. Far away to my left I can see the Chester-Perry building, like a matchbox on the horizon and far away to my right what appears to be a toy train steaming into a miniature station. Holy Mackerel! It’s the 8:15 commuter special. Gulp late again!

Sfx                                 music link

Bristow                          Wow am I late. I’m so late I’ve even missed the late-late crowd. I’m with the so late its hardly worth going in for brigade. Morning Mr Stationmaster

Stationmaster                 Morning sir

Bristow                          You do run trains during the day I suppose. During the time people are working in offices. The rails are still being used, kept nice and shiny as it were? Somebody once told me that railways lines werent safe unless you could see your face in them. Anything in that?

Stationmaster                 Here comes a train now sir

Sfx                                 hissing as of ancient commuter train

Stationmaster                 Allow me sir

Sfx                                 Train squeals to a halt

Bristow                          Very kind of you – very kind. Thank you

Stationmaster                 Are you comfortable sir

Bristow                          Yes very comfortable. Ready when you are captain

Stationmaster                 All change!

Sfx                                 music link

Bristow                          There it is – the Chester-Perry Building. I can’t understand Sir Reginald – he has his name written right across the front of the building but its too low down. He ought to have it higher up across the top where it can been from miles away. “The RL Chester-Perry company” PS if you can read this you are too close

Bothwick                       Excuse me sir you do work for this company

Bristow                          Of course I do – can’t you tell by the pallid face, the nervous twitch and the jerky movements. The Chester-Perry trademark. Why do you ask

Bothwick                       I hope you don’t mind my asking but is the canteen inside the building?

Bristow                          Depends whats on the menu. If they’re cooking anything with garlic in it – we seal the place off. May I ask why the interest

Bothwick                       I’d like to go for a meal there

Bristow                          Funny – don’t look like a headcase. Although from the side there is a hint of village idiot

Bothwick                       Would you like a punch on the jaw?

Bristow                          Oh you’re a hothead. You’re wasting your time trying to get into the canteen if you’re a hothead. If you take offence at a little thing like that you wouldn’t last five minutes. You wouldn’t get past the condiments. Its  James Cagney in prison land in there. Long tables in the Big Hall – atmosphere – fights and scuffles breaking out every few seconds. And that’s before the flavour of the food gets through to everyone.

Bothwick                       Do they pay you to go round upsetting people?

Bristow                          They don’t pay us at all. Still there’s talk of some money when our ship comes in – there’s a hint of holidays and a rumour of good times being just around the corner so its better than a job with no prospects at all. Well its been nice meeting you so I’ll say goodbye and good luck.

Bothwick                       Wait a minute. I am BJ Bothwick, inspector for the Firms Canteen Good Food Guide and my magazine want me to a write up of the Chester-Perry restaurant. Well can you help? I’ll make it worth your while.

Bristow                          Look I can't stop now. Meet me at lunchtime round the back by the dustbins. You can’t miss them. We have hundreds of them. We have dustbins like other firms have hot dinners

Sfx                                 music link

Sfx                                 typing and office noises

Bristow                          Morning Jones

Jones                             You’ve missed the best bit. Fudge had Hewitt in a corner – filing cabinet – then back to the window shouting at the top of his voice all the time

Sfx                                 door shuts

Bristow                          Wall-to-wall carpeting eh? Listen Jones I met a man just now who wants to eat in the firm’s canteen

Jones                             He can't.

Bristow                          What do you mean “he can't?”

Jones                             Just that. He can't. Outsiders are not allowed.

Bristow                          Are you telling me that if I had someone important come to see me, and it was lunch hour, I couldn’t take him into the canteen? Is that what you're saying?

Jones                             I’m not saying it. Its rules. The canteen is for employees only otherwise we’d have every Tom Dick and Harry in there. And since when have you known anyone important

Bristow                          a noise of dissent

Sfx                                 Fudge making angry noises in the background

Jones                             Fudge wants me. Its been so long that I’ve been in his office I’ve forgotten how to arrange my features. What sort of expression shall I go in with?

Bristow                          Contrite is best. He doesn’t shout so much with contrition

Sfx                                 Door closes slowly, with contrition

Bristow                          Hello, what’s this written in the dust on my desktop? Tom Woods, caretaker, wishes to meet Florrie Desmond of the cleaning staff. Object – friendship stroke marriage. Chuckles oh he’s incorrigible that Tom. Expels deep breath Oh, eight hours to go. Eight hours. That’s six hundred and forty eight minutes. Sixty times six hundred and forty eight is thirty eight thousand eight hundred and eighty seconds to go. Thirty eight thousand eight hundred and eighty seconds to go. One. Two. Three drowily Four gasps awake Jones – you’d better sit down. What on earth is the matter. You look dazed. What on earth Fudge say?

Jones                             He didn’t say much. I bumped my head on the door frame as I was backing out.

Bristow                          What did he want?

Jones                             Have we got a paint shop?

Bristow                          Yes. On the other side of the yard next to the garage

Jones                             You know a Reg Postlethwaite?

Bristow                          Yes – very thin, slate grey hair, porcelain blue eyes, silver birch moustache and a pale pink complexion. You won’t have any problem recognising him – here’s a colour chart

Jones                             Bristow, the other day I decided to take stock of my life. I stood in front of the mirror and took a searching look at myself.

Bristow                          Your conclusions?

Jones                             None. Whatsoever. I couldn’t see myself properly. My eyes were too full of tears. Because all I am at this firm is a messenger boy. I’ve got to take this order down to Postlethwaite and wait for an answer. I ask you, what kind of job is that for a grown man. It iwsnt as if I don’t try. If ever there was a company man, its me. I love this company. Bristow, if I should ever quit and go abroad to seek my fortune think only this of me – that there is some corner of a foreign firm that is for ever Chester-Perry’s

Bristow                          quietly eighty seven eighty eight eighty nine. Normal Jones about that matter of the firm’s canteen. Are there rules about taking people in?

Jones                             Of course there are rules. And the barbed wire and the alsation dogs are there to enforce the rules wandering away that’s all I am to this firm – a messenger boy. Why he can’t pick up a phone and talk to the man himself…

Sfx                                 door shuts

Bristow                          sigh one hundred and three, one hundred and four..

Sfx                                 Picks up phone

Bristow                          Daily Things? I wonder if you can help. I am a regular reader of your excellent newspaper – that is, I was a regular reader until I fell on hard times. Get to the point? – I’m getting to the point. Could someone read out the Sits.Vac pages..hello, hello

Sfx                                 replaces phone

Sfx                                 door opens

Hewitt                            Morning Mr Bristow

Bristow                          Hewitt – phew, you frightened the life out of me with that pink shirt and pink tie – I thought for a second it was a plunging neckline

Hewitt                            Mr Bristow can I ask you a question?

Bristow                          If it’s the question I think it is, my answer is that when you're older you’ll realise all the time I’m sitting here apparently doing nothing, I’m chipping away at the establishment.

Hewitt                            That wasn’t the question. I was going to ask if you’ve been at the same desk ever since you’ve been here

Bristow                          The answer is no. It was over in that corner until the Great Tea Trolley Disaster. After that everyone in the building was shuffled around. Listen Hewitt I met a man outside this morning who wants to have lunch in our canteen

Hewitt                            He can't.

Bristow                          What do you mean he can't?

Hewitt                            Isn’t there some rule against it? I think there is. I believe those bouncers at the entrance are to stop that sort of thing. Tea and cakes on you today

Bristow                          Since when?

Hewitt                            Since we had a bet yesterday for a thousand billion million trillion pounds and I won

Bristow                          A thousand billion million trillion pounds??

Hewitt                            And I won!

Bristow                          Fancy you remembering that

Sfx                                 Door opens and tea trolley is wheeled in

Dimple                           Come and get it

Bristow                          Good Lord! Mrs Dimple of the canteen. What are you doing here? Where’s Mrs Purdy?

Dimple                           On ‘oliday. I’m her stand in

Bristow                          Oh are you really? Let me taste your wares. In my opinion Mr Hewitt you can tell a lot about a tea-lady from the first sip gulps, coughs, fights for breath You were born under the sign of Aquarius the water carrier

Sfx                                 Tinkly noise

Dimple                           Why are you stirring it as fast as that?

Bristow                          It’s a new theory of mine. I’m hoping the centrifugal force will drive any flavour that’s in it to the outside.

Dimple                           Mr Bristow – judging by last week’s bill I assume you had a rough week

Bristow                          Mmmhh?

Dimple                           Monday – tea and cakes. Tuesday  - tea and cakes and a sedative. Wednesday – tea and a sedative Thursday – tea and a sedative, Friday tea and a sedative

Bristow                          more gasps Let me see that. How much??  Have you a sedative on the trolley?

Hewitt                            Before you came in Mr Bristow was telling me he’s invited someone for lunch in the firm’s canteen

Dimple                           He can't do that. It’s against the rules – you should know that. And the first rule when you join the Chester-Perry company is you have to cut yourself off from the outside world.

Hewitt                            News to me

Bristow                          It’s the small print – comes after renouncing all pleasures of the flesh

Hewitt                            I didn’t know that either. I’d like to see a copy of these rules

Bristow                          You’re not allowed to.

Bristow / Dimple            Rule three

Sfx                                 tea trolley is wheeled away and door shuts

Hewitt                            Hard act to follow

Bristow                          Hard to act to follow without slipping up. I don’t know whether you noticed but her tea urn was leaking. As I saying before we were so rudely interrupted – this man who wants to have lunch in the firms canteen – works for the Firm’s Canteen Good Food Guide and he wants to a write up

Hewitt                            Mr Bristow, if you’ll take my advice, you’ll have nothing to do with him. I’m going to check on these rules

Sfx                                 Phone rings and is picked up

Bristow                          Buying department – can I help you? No Mr Simpson [note] is one of our salesmen. He doesn’t work in the building. Er, what’s today – Wednesday? Today he’ll be starting his town calls. I don’t know if he’ll be calling on Snelgrove and Ashton, I know that he’ll be calling on the Dog and Duck, the Queen’s Elm, the Belsize Tavern, the Windsor Castle er Hello, hello hello? Oh be like that then. Now then where was I – about this man

Hewitt                            Sorry Mr Bristow I don’t want to get involved. I’ve got work to do

Sfx                                 Door opens

Sunman                          Morning Mr Bristow. Morning Mr Hewitt

Hewitt                            No don’t shut it I'm going. See you later

Sfx                                 door shuts

Bristow                          Well Miss Sunman, how can I help you?

Sunman                          I just thought you’d like to know that the collection for Mr Radford’s retirement came to one hundred and twenty five pounds

Bristow                          Oh really a hundred and twenty five pounds for ten years work. Five days a week, less holidays, less public holidays and  Christmas – yes it bears out the old Chester-Perry maxim. He shall have but a a penny a day. That’s most interesting and cheered up what has so far been an uneventful morning. In return let me ask you a question. Suppose, and I know this is stretching the imagination to the point of incredulity here just suppose you were married..

Sunman                          eagerly Yes Mr Bristow?

Bristow                          and your husband called on you just before lunchtime. Would you take him to the canteen?

Sunman                          What the firm’s canteen? Would I take him to the firm’s canteen?

Bristow                          If he was hungry – very hungry, like ravenous, like he he hadn’t eaten for days

Sunman                          The firm’s canteen?

Bristow                          If he was weak from hunger, begging for food and the firm’s canteen was, well, where it is and there was nowhere else to go

Sunman                          I suppose if there was nowhere else to go and he as hungry as you say, yes I suppose I’d take him there

Bristow                          But suppose the rules said you can't – you're not allowed to take outsiders into the canteen

Sunman                          Then I’d tell him he’d have to wait until we get home

Bristow                          very distinct and intense Miss Sunman – he’ll never make it home. He’s dying of hunger. That canteen is the one thing that can save him. Would you – break the rules?

Sunman                          I know, I know. I’d say, “wait there” and I’d go into the canteen and I’d get a takeover

Bristow                          sigh of despair forget it

Sunman                          But I..

Bristow                          It’s not important. Now tell me the real reason you came in here. It wasn’t to tell me about Radford’s retirement collection was it? Tell me the truth

Sunman                          I wondered if you’d finished with your newspaper

Bristow                          Oh you surprise me Miss Sunman. I wouldn’t have said you were the type who ever read a newspaper. Take it

Sunman                          Thank you. I like this one. On every page there’s something about love

Bristow                          I think you’re confused. This is a businessman’s newspaper – high finance wheeling and dealing

Sunman                          I know. I read between the lines. Bye

Sfx                                 footsteps go away

Bristow                          Oh…three hundred and eight six, three hundred and eighty seven, three hundred and..

Sfx                                 footsteps coming nearer

Postboy                         Morning Mr B

Bristow                          Oh morning postboy

Postboy                         Can I ask you a question?

Bristow                          Fire away

Postboy                         Considering the way you speak about the firm why do you have a picture of the Chester-Perry building on the wall behind you?

Bristow                          Psychology

Postboy                         Psychology?

Bristow                          Yes – every time I look over my shoulder I think I'm on my way home

Postboy                         Mr Bristow, what’s it like to live a mundane existence?

Bristow                          How should I know – stuck in the office all day. Here postboy let me pick your brains. What do you know about the canteen? Do you ever eat there?

Postboy                         Do I ever go the canteen? The canteen here? Are you kidding? I’m surprised it’s still open

Bristow                          Why is that?

Postboy                         Got no stars has it? No stars no rosettes no recommendations no awards nothing. And you know why? That chef is a quack. He doesn’t know his Duck a l’orange from his Filet de Sole Bonne Femme. That canteen is a no-no, a nothing a blot on the gastronomic landscape. Of course I don’t go in there. Do you go there?

Bristow                          I'm going there today with an inspector from the Firm’s Canteen Good Food Guide mumbles four hundred and two, four hundred…

Postboy                         You’re wasting your time Mr B – both your time and his time. And you're wasting your money because its not cheap. They say its cheap – they say its subsidised but you still pay through the nose. It costs an arm and a leg to eat there but you still come out ravenous. And you know why that is? Because they don’t want you falling asleep at your desk in the afternoon. They want you be alert and on your toes. They give you little portions but they dress them up to look big. All that Bechamel sauce – Uurgh – all that chestnut puree – double uurgh. And whose to blame? The management of course. If they wanted to do this firm a favour they should round up all the kitchen staff, march em out into the yard and machine gun noise with his mouth. And after that hire a new lot. Then, and only then, with new faces and new ideas will it start making money and more important give value for money. And that’s what it’s all about Mr B – value

Bristow                          You’ve obviously given this matter a great deal of thought

Postboy                         Thought? I can't think Mr B I’m only a post boy. We don’t think. We just run around delivering letters. We aren’t capable of thinking, of thoughts, we aren’t paid to think tails off

Sfx                                 door shuts

Bristow                          mumbles four thousand one hundred and ten, four thousand one hundred and eleven

Bristow (VO)                 The morning passed and as soon as I heard the firing of the starting pistol signifying the lunch break I ran downstairs and using one of the many escape tunnels found myself in the yard. There was no way of getting out into the street without being strip-searched by the security people, and because they locked the gates as soon as the staff were inside in the morning it was impossible to get to the dustbins on the other side of the wall. I therefore had to take a chance, the wind being in the right direction I was quickly able to pick up the scent of Filet de Boeuf Mignon with Pommes Frites from the dustbin area. I was standing on the other side wall from the man I had come to meet

Bristow                          Pssst. Psst

Bothwick                       distant Hello

Bristow                          Is anyone over there?

Bothwick                       distant Yes

Bristow                          Is it Mr Bothwick

Bothwick                       distant Yes

Bristow                          I can’t hear you. Can you stand on the dustbins

Sfx                                 sounds of a man standing on a dustbin

Bothwick                       distant Yes normal How’s that? Aarrgh

Sfx                                 sounds of a man falling off a dustbin

Bristow                          Are you alright? Knock three times on the dustbin if you hear me, twice on the lid if the answer is no

Bothwick                       distant I'm ok

Bristow                          I can't hear you

Sfx                                 sounds of man heaving himself back up on a dustbin

Bothwick                       normal How’s that?

Bristow                          Excellent. I’m afraid theres no way they will let strangers into the canteen. Sorry

Bothwick                       Oh but I’ve been hanging round all morning

Bristow                          When I said there’s no way there is a way but – is this report you're going to write important?

Bothwick                       Indeed so. It’s the first time I’ve been able to give a star rating and therefore means a great deal

Bristow                          I have worked out a way to get you inside but its complicated

Bothwick                       Lets do it

Bristow                          It’s not straightforward

Bothwick                       It doesn’t matter lets go

Bristow                          It means you’ll have to come down this side of the wall

Bothwick                       Stand back I’ll jump down. Yo – ughhh

Sfx                                 sounds of man jumping over the wall

Bristow                          Are you alright

Bothwick                       breathless I, I think so. Nothing broken anyway. My suit’s in a bit of a state

Bristow                          That won’t show when you’ve got these overalls on

Bothwick                       Overalls

Bristow                          It’s the only way you'll ever get in. They run a pretty tight ship here and you’ve got to have good excuse. If you're caught hanging round the yard the bouncers will on us like a ton of bricks

Bothwick                       Well whose overalls are they?

Bristow                          That’s not important. Put them on

Sfx                                 sounds of man putting on overalls

Bothwick                       I hope these are necessary. These overalls are very tight. The owner must be a rather small man

Bristow                          Of course if you don’t…

Bothwick                       Oh I [indistinct]. Lets get on with it

Bristow                          Here’s the hat

Bothwick                       But that’s a dustman’s hat

Bristow                          That’s right. Now pick up the bin and follow me

Bothwick                       Pick up a dustbin? Certainly not!

Bristow                          Now let’s get it clear. You want to get into the canteen don’t you

Bothwick                       Well yes but..oh all right

Bristow                          Come on …look sharp, we get into trouble if we’re not back at our desks by two

Bothwick                       I don’t see what the dustbin has got to do with it

Bristow                          If we’re caught I’m going to say you were left behind by the other dustmen. I’ve got to cover my tracks as well you know. I’m going out on a limb for you and I don’t even know you

Bothwick                       I’m grateful

Bristow                          The first bit was quite simple – phase two is slightly more complicated

Sfx                                 Bell rings

Bristow                          When whoever it is opens the door to let us inn we negotiate with them to borrow one of the canteen waitress coats hanging on the wall. Here we go

Bothwick                       Negotiate with themto borrow a canteen waitress coat??

Sfx                                 clattering noises as of a man holding a dustbin

Bristow                          White things - you must have seen one before – you're in the catering game. Ssshh

Sfx                                 Door opens

Dimple                           Good gracious – Leg ’o’lamb and cabbage Bristow of buying isn't it? What are you doing round the back?

Bristow                          I was passing and I heard cries of distress. Upon investigation I found it to be this gentleman. He had unfortunately been left behind by his fellow dustmen

Dimple                           How could he be left behind?

Bristow                          hisses Tell her

Bothwick                       Oh er it was dusty, very dusty

Bristow                          That’s right. I had a job to see him myself there was that much dust

Dimple                           Well he can't come in here in those clothes. Mr Gordon Blue is very particular about his kitchens. He don’t want any dustmen traipsing about.

Bristow                          Of course not. But I see on the wall behind you some waitress coats. Perhaps he could borrow one of those to pass through the kitchen. Is that possible – please?

Dimple                           I really don’t know whether I should. I think he should wash his hands before he even thinks of handling our nice white coats. Just look at the state of them. I thought dustmen were supposed to wear rubber gloves in the execution of their duties.

Bothwick                       It’s all his fault they’re like this

Bristow                          It’s not my fault you fell off the wall

Bothwick                       Ohh! – pass me the coat!

Dimple                           Not with hands like that. What’s wrong with the tap on the garage wall?

Bristow                          Mrs Dimple you are a star. Come this way – Bothwick -  hands out – ready steady..

Sfx                                 running tap. Splashing

Bothwick                       Yargh I’m soaked

Bristow                          Sorry

Bothwick                       Turn it off

Sfx                                 a dull thud. Water stops running

Dimple                           Didn’t that hurt your foot?

Bristow                          No – years of kicking itinerant radiators have rendered it immune to pain

Bothwick                       I’m soaked right through

Bristow                          Don’t worry it will soon dry out. We’ll have steak flambéed at the table. Once we get you inside everything will be fine. All we need now is an ID patch

Bothwick                       An ID pa..

Bristow                          And the man who can supply that very thing is standing over there – forlorn, outside the paint shop. I give you – Mr Jones!

Jones                             Bristow – is that you Bristow?

Bristow                          Jones – what are you doing here?

Jones                             I'm still waiting to get an answer from Reg Postlethwaite of the paint shop

Bristow                          Ah he of the silver birch moustache and porcelain pink. Have you been waiting all this time?

Jones                             Over an hour. He’s been in conference. Fudge doesn’t think about these things when he sends a chap…

Bothwick                       Who is this chap?

Jones                             quietly Whose your dustman friend

Bristow                          quietly He’s not a dustman

Jones                             How silly of me. He’s dressed in dustman’s clothes and carrying a dustbin so I assumed he was a dustman. Sorry.

Bothwick                       Is it absolutely necessary to waste time like this

Dimple                           Tut, tut. He’s got a nasty temper, your friend

Bristow                          quietly He’s had a trying day. Left behind by the other dustmen. Unwanted. Unloved

Dimple                           I’m not surprised, temper like that

Jones                             He’s a hothead Bristow

Bothwick                       Would you like a punch on the nose?

Jones                             And violent with it

Dimple                           He can't come in here. We don’t want any rough stuff in our canteen. Our customers come in for a bit of peace and quiet of a lunchtime

Jones                             I think security should be informed

Bristow                          quietly and meaningfully Jones we don’t want security. We’d like to borrow your ID badge for a few minutes. I’m trying to get my friend into the canteen.

Jones                             quietly Is this the chap you were talking about this morning?

Bristow                          Yes. He wants to do a write up of the firm’s canteen

Jones                             Lend this thug my ID? Are you kidding? I think we should blow the whistle on him this minute

Bothwick                       I think you ought to stay out of things. You’ve caused enough trouble as it is

Jones                             There’s gratitude. Mrs Dimple – call security

Dimple                           I already ‘ave. At the first sign of violence I pressed the button

Bothwick                       Violence?

Dimple                           You clenched your fists. I recognise the stages. I weren’t born yesterday. They’ll be here in a minute

Sfx                                 Dogs barkl in the distance

Bothwick                       panicking My God I don’t want to involved. Get me out of hear

Sfx                                 Dogs bark louder

Bothwick                       It’s a madhouse, get me out of here. I’ll give you a star in the food guide

Bristow                          Call off one of the dogs

Sfx                                 Fewer dogs but they are closer

Bothwick                       Two stars in the guide!

Bristo                             Call off two

Sfx                                 Still they bark

Bothwick                       Three!

Bristow                          Call off three

Sfx                                 still barking

Bothwick                       despairing We don’t go higher than three

Bristow                          What do you think – escape tunnel?

Jones                             Escape tunnel it is

Bristow                          Follow me

Sfx                                 music link

Bristow (VO)                 So that’s we came to get three stars. And the nice thing is they have tightened up on security since then. No-one will ever get in to dispute it.

Sfx closing music

Announcer                     Bristow was written by Frank Dickens and featured Michael Williams as Bristow, Rodney Bewes as Jones, Christopher Benjamin as Bothwick, Owen Brenman as Hewitt, Kate Ody as Miss Sunman, Jon Glover as the stationmaster, Simon Schatzberger as the postboy with Sheila Reid as Mrs Dimple.

                                      The music was composed and performed by Jon Whitehall, the sound recording was by Grahame Harper, the director Neil Cargill

Note: Bristow clearly says “Simpson” but of course it is Sampson who is the alcoholic salesman